How autocorrect can make the start of a discussion not go as planned

This started off innocent enough, but one autocorrect incident later, it got real. 

The Mortality Conversation

April and Ally were talking about their friendship and the depths to which it goes. They've decided that they are each other's split personality, and that if they ever got to the point that they wanted to kill each other it would be considered suicide. Apparently, during the conversation, they came to some terms that each other have to follow should one of them pass away first.

Ally says that if she dies first, then April has to carry around the urn with her ashes everywhere she goes. She gets permanent shotgun in the car, and her urn has to be buckled in. The only places that April doesn't have to take her are the bathroom, and the bedroom(if it's during happy time).

April said that if Ally dies first, she's going to take her body and put wires and bendable poles all throughout her body. This way, she can turn Ally's corpse into a life-size Gumby doll and pose her in different poses; making her a coat rack one day, a foot stool the next, etc etc. The other thing that this would let April do is motorboat Ally on a daily basis.

Now, maybe it's just me, but this is a little strange. Funny and hilarious, but strange nonetheless. Mind you, there were some details that I can only put in my head under threat of bodily harm, but this still gives you a strong idea of the conversation.

A phone and a boat

Talking with Ally, and we were on the topic of driving and towing trailers. I proceeded to tell her a story of when I was a kid. My family had a boat while I was growing up. We were on our way to the lake when I was around 11 and I was in the back seat of our Suburban. I looked out of the back window and said to my dad, "Daddy? where's the boat going?" This was the first time that I heard my dad curse as he quickly yelled "SHIT!!!" The boat had made an executive decision. It wasn't going to the lake that day. It came free from the hitch and decided it wanted a new family. It found what it wanted as it crashed into and through a garage door of a house along the road we were on. As it turns out, we (my mom, brother and I) got to go to the movies while my dad dealt with that. A little while later, my dad admitted that he forgot to latch the hitch.

After this story, all of a sudden Ally said really loudly, "Ahhhh I just dropped my phone...and it almost hit my face!" I wasn't expecting the last part, and I laughed pretty hard. She was a little mad at me, until I asked if she was OK. Then all was well. Until she remembered that I laughed at her before finding out if she was OK. I guess I can't win for losing.

Biting

Ally was on the phone with me the other day, and out of nowhere, she screams "OWWW!!" Upon further inquiry, She tells me this gem: "The ATM just bit me!!" As you can imagine, I was taken aback. She proceeded to tell me that she was depositing cash into the ATM and it pulled her hand too close to the intake and when the door on it closed, it bit her.

Another time that she held on to something a little bit too long was at Sea World. You'll probably see this one coming, but she was feeding the dolphins. She was on her last fish and the dolphin went to take it. Apparently, Ally didn't realize that you needed to let go of said fish in order for the dolphin to eat it and not your hand. She had teeth marks and teeth bruises on her thumb for a few days. EDIT: Ally says she knew she had to let it go, the dolphin was just impatient.

the way the brain and the body work together is a magical thing

Tonight, Ally and I were talking on the phone when she suddenly started laughing. Let me preface this with the fact that she is in the middle of packing her apartment up since her lease is up in May and she will be moving. She has been going through and organizing all of her DVDs(she has filled up 5 binders so far) and getting any of the music that her roommate has that she wants. What made her laugh when we were on the phone was incredibly amusing. She's been ripping down CDs all day without any issues, but for whatever reason her brain decided to misfire. While doing this process, she'd been watching a bunch of her DVDs. When the current DVD was done and it was time to switch it out, she reached to eject the disc. Or at least she thought she did. Her hand, instead of tapping the eject button on the DVD player, reached for a cabinet door underneath it instead. Delirium is not something to be taken lightly, people.

In one of my more infamous moments, not actually involving Ally or April but it's fun to share because I can laugh about it now, I was doing something with my friend Sam. We were moving furniture around in the apartment and I tweaked my knee and landed on it funny. Keep in mind that I've had 3 ACL replacement surgeries in my life, so when this happened, my mind went a little bit into overdrive. I spoke. What I thought I said was, "Holy sh*t, that really hurt my damn knee. I hope I didn't mess it up again." What came out of my mouth was, "NORR." To this day, I'm not quite sure where the malfunction occurred, but whenever I have trouble saying something around Sam, he'll laugh and say "NORR" so that I won't ever forget. It's been 9 or 10 years since that incident, and it still isn't old.Publish Post

A new olympic sport has been born

April and her fiancée were driving on post going to the px, and they burped at the same time. They looked at each other, laughed, and April said "Ooh, tandem burping!!" Josh laughed and then said, "They need to make that into an Olympic sport."

Can you imagine this? An Olympic event center, packed to the brim...silence rules the air. In the center of the arena, the first two contestants walk out into the center of the ring. Male and female, in matching flannel shirts and hand in hand, stop while facing each other. Silence reigns. The two highly tuned athletes take deep, coordinated breaths and proceed to sing the ABC's in the language of the belch. The crowd is in awe of this amazing talent. Then it hits them, like a ton of bricks. Is it chicken? No, wait, I smell curry. GARLIC!!! The scoring would consist of 70% synchronization, 20% artistic talent, and 10% aroma.

ahh facebook...how i love/loathe thee

Had a fun interaction on facebook last night with Ally...

Had to split it up, print screen/paint are a little limited. And since this is not being posted from my computer, I don't really have any say on what's installed or not installed. I just love how the conversations can morph into something wonderful(scary).

The funniest/saddest thing about this is that the whole time that this was going on, I was on the phone with Ally. Wow seems to be a bit of an understatement.